Forest Fires of the Mind

He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.
-Fredrich Nietzsche

Does anyone else with anxiety and depression ever feel like their life has become the embodiment of this Nietzsche quote? I hope it’s not just me.

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You Mean, You Can’t Read My Mind

Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. Holding a grudge & harboring anger/resentment is poison to the soul. Get even with people…but not those who have hurt us, forget them, instead get even with those who have helped us.
– Steve Maraboli

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
– Carrie Fisher

I don’t get resentment. I can’t help but feel it but at the same time, I realize it’s pointless. It’s the results of expectations not being met and a lack of communication. Both of these things I’m guilty of so really the only person to blame is myself.  Continue reading

What I Still Need to Remind Myself of After 32 Years

And finally this question, the mystery of who’s story it will be. Of who draws the curtain. Who is it that chooses our steps in the dance? Who drives us mad? Lashes us with whips and crowns us with victory when we survive the impossible? Who is it, that does all of these things?

Who honors those we love for the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time sings that we will never die? Who teaches us what’s real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we’ll die to defend? Who chains us? And Who holds the key that can set us free… It’s You. You have all the weapons you need. Now Fight!

-Sweet Pea from Suckerpunch

This post was inspired after reading this one by Justin McElroy. Continue reading

The Great Detangling of Grief

In the eye of a hurricane
There is quiet
For just a moment
A yellow sky

-“Hurricane” from Hamilton

It took me three days to start writing this post. I kept stopping myself either consciously or unconsciously because I’m in a place where my anxiety is winning. It keeps whispering that no one wants to read another post from me talking about my pitiful struggles and that the world is shit so shut up and get to work. I mean I know it’s only partially wrong. I can’t help anyone if I’m drowning. “Put on your mask before helping anyone else”, right? If me talking about this helps one person not feel alone then it’s worth it. If it helps me feel better that should also be worth it but hey baby steps. Continue reading