What I Still Need to Remind Myself of After 32 Years

And finally this question, the mystery of who’s story it will be. Of who draws the curtain. Who is it that chooses our steps in the dance? Who drives us mad? Lashes us with whips and crowns us with victory when we survive the impossible? Who is it, that does all of these things?

Who honors those we love for the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time sings that we will never die? Who teaches us what’s real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we’ll die to defend? Who chains us? And Who holds the key that can set us free… It’s You. You have all the weapons you need. Now Fight!

-Sweet Pea from Suckerpunch

This post was inspired after reading this one by Justin McElroy.

The Great Detangling of Grief

In the eye of a hurricane
There is quiet
For just a moment
A yellow sky

-“Hurricane” from Hamilton

It took me three days to start writing this post. I kept stopping myself either consciously or unconsciously because I’m in a place where my anxiety is winning. It keeps whispering that no one wants to read another post from me talking about my pitiful struggles and that the world is shit so shut up and get to work. I mean I know it’s only partially wrong. I can’t help anyone if I’m drowning. “Put on your mask before helping anyone else”, right? If me talking about this helps one person not feel alone then it’s worth it. If it helps me feel better that should also be worth it but hey baby steps.