Choose Joy

We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.
—Joseph Campbell

After the dark post yesterday I wanted to do something a little different. This was inspired by a podcast I listen to called Positiviteeny. To quote their tagline, “Messages of hope, support, and inspiration in 10 minutes or less”. I highly recommend it.

Forest Fires of the Mind

He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.
-Fredrich Nietzsche

Does anyone else with anxiety and depression ever feel like their life has become the embodiment of this Nietzsche quote? I hope it’s not just me.

You Mean, You Can’t Read My Mind

Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. Holding a grudge & harboring anger/resentment is poison to the soul. Get even with people…but not those who have hurt us, forget them, instead get even with those who have helped us.
– Steve Maraboli

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
– Carrie Fisher

I don’t get resentment. I can’t help but feel it but at the same time, I realize it’s pointless. It’s the results of expectations not being met and a lack of communication. Both of these things I’m guilty of so really the only person to blame is myself. 

What I Still Need to Remind Myself of After 32 Years

And finally this question, the mystery of who’s story it will be. Of who draws the curtain. Who is it that chooses our steps in the dance? Who drives us mad? Lashes us with whips and crowns us with victory when we survive the impossible? Who is it, that does all of these things?

Who honors those we love for the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time sings that we will never die? Who teaches us what’s real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we’ll die to defend? Who chains us? And Who holds the key that can set us free… It’s You. You have all the weapons you need. Now Fight!

-Sweet Pea from Suckerpunch

This post was inspired after reading this one by Justin McElroy.

The Great Detangling of Grief

In the eye of a hurricane
There is quiet
For just a moment
A yellow sky

-“Hurricane” from Hamilton

It took me three days to start writing this post. I kept stopping myself either consciously or unconsciously because I’m in a place where my anxiety is winning. It keeps whispering that no one wants to read another post from me talking about my pitiful struggles and that the world is shit so shut up and get to work. I mean I know it’s only partially wrong. I can’t help anyone if I’m drowning. “Put on your mask before helping anyone else”, right? If me talking about this helps one person not feel alone then it’s worth it. If it helps me feel better that should also be worth it but hey baby steps.

Ramble

… Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
–  Reinhold Niebuhr

I used to be a pretty good planner. I could organize outings with my friends at least once a month with some or every weekend with others. I’m not 100% sure what changed in the last year but it has. I’ve gone from being a Remembrall to needing one, I keep saying I’ll plan something and either forget or it’s so very far out. All this to say at some point I’ve fallen into depression again.

The Hidden Historic Emmanuel Church Cemetery

Death is the engine that keeps us running, giving us the motivation to achieve, learn, love, and create.
― Caitlin Doughty

I don’t often talk about my love of things considered macabre, like cemeteries, ghost stories, and death. This last month I’ve fallen head first into the Death Positive side of the internet, I even joined The Order of the Good Death. This week on their social media it’s Cemetery Week and while I don’t have a story of a vastly interesting one to tell, I do want to share a glimpse of one that I find really neat.

Anonymous and Profound

This all starts with a Vlogbrothers video talking about sidewalk. It’s very thought provoking if you give it 4 minutes. What stood out to me was a moment that begins at the 1:53 mark of the video where Hank is talking about finding the footsteps of a child in a sidewalk until they reach a maker’s mark from 1909. It’s a beautiful moment to ponder the fact that this is something that’s lasted for over a hundred years and it was made by accident.

Off Week

So I didn’t want to miss this week but I failed the second week of my own challenge. Which happens, next week I will do better! But so as not to miss a week I’m doing something different.

Fear is the Mind Killer

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
– The Litany Against Fear from Dune by Frank Herbert

Yes I missed last week, I got distracted writing and honestly forgot. Also I’ve been grappling with on and off migraines while I’m at work. That out of the way I want to address something that’s been on my mind. Fear. Or rather how often I don’t do something because I convince myself not to. I don’t credit my anxiety with much but I can give it this, it takes my fears and justifies them to keep me from taking action.